In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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