yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize