Your tits are I can't wait for
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize