its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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