I am in a vortex of obligation.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
