You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
