R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
