It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
