I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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