i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
