so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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