I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
