I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
