Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
be right there i have to get my cape
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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