I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
