Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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