I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
