I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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