I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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