They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize