What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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