I'm so fucking centered right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize