We won't sleep together?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
