toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
