new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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