it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
