if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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