If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
either way he was missing a nipple.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
