I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
