On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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