Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize