This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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