one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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