Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
