I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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