our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
