the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
