i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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