I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize