You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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