We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
