Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
