is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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