i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
is it fun? or sober?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
