I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
