Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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