Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
