i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The struggles of a small town man whore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
