I accidentally burped into my bong.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize