Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
