Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
