How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
