i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
