There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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