i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
