Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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