She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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