he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am spending my child support on dildos
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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