sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
