Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
