If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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