I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
