Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Acid is not a monday night drug
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
