Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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