god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
