yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize