he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm getting married
To pizza
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
