They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
