SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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