Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
